Lahloos and Other Tales

Doors and Windows...

The old adage is true...whenever God closes a door he does open a window! 

Thank you all so much for joureying with me... for praying with me and for being such a huge encouragement to me in all ways (spiritually, mentally, professionally...)  The past few days have been a bundle of peace...THANK YOU! 

Just today I got two Facebook messages...both that were so encouraging that I burst into tears reading them.  One was from an old friend who experienced a similar job situation as I had.... she too had come through it...and now on the flip side is seeing how God had a different plan for her... I am so glad she shared that with me... I had been feeling so alone...like I was the only one in the whole world who ever got terminated with out cause from a job I loved!  It really helped me to see again His perspective... that God really does have a plan and a purpose for me... even for me being "stuck" in Cayman (smile!)

The other message was just that...proof of why He sent me here!  Thank you Jesus for showing me this fruit just when I needed to know that you had me here for a reason. 

I keep a file... a "never quit" file... things I pull out from time to time to remember why I keep on in youth ministry... notes from kids, pictures, drawings...there is even a poem in there someone wrote long ago that had nothing to do with me...but it was a great poem written by a 7th grader that was so deep and thought provoking it keeps me reminded not to underestimate Jr. highers!!!

I got a note from a graduated Sr. from this past year... this student has had a HUGE spiritual awaking this summer...he wanted to thank me for the impact I had on him... and to encourage me to continue to be a "Spiritual Sisiter" to the students!!  It made my YEAR!!!    Needeless to say, that too will join the ranks of my file... 

I remember when God called me into Youth Ministry... I remember where I was and what I was doing..while I have rarely questioned the call...I had forgotten the promise he gave me that day... I clearly remember knowing that He would always keep me excited and passionate about Youth Minitsry...he has too... despite how much of a failure I have felt like this past year..I have remained passionate about reaching teenagers for Christ!   

We head back to school on Monday morning to start another year... I am sad for summer to end (although the kids are really excited to start another year!!) I too and ready... ready to see what this year holds... ready to grow and push these kids into a deeper relationship with Jesus!

Wash, rinse, repeat...

Today I came across a post on Facebook that really got to me.  I thought that I had dealt with all these old feelings about what happened in TX.  I was sure that I was over being “terminated” b/c I was doing a good job… but all those feelings came back again today…

 

I hate this.  I hate that TX still has its grip on me.  I miss those kids… we were ready to settle in and really make a long term go of Youth Ministry in that particular community… we were so sure that THAT is where God wanted us for the long haul.   It just hurts so much.  This past year the 9^th graders that we started with all graduated.. we all had plans to have this amazing graduation bash to celebrate… we all had plans to do that awesome overseas missions trip… things that were in the works when we were forced out…

 

Forced out by lies, jealousy, misunderstandings and gutless actions by two pastors who should have known better… they really have the art of manipulation down to a tee.  They knew exactly how to get me to leave and force me to keep my mouth closed.

 

 They spread a lie about me needing counseling for anger issues… issues that they themselves created.  I was told that I was insubordinate, yet I never got any memos, warnings or written reprimands that said so.   I was told that I wasn’t involved in the greater Conference… yet I was several committees and planning things for district wide events… I was told I didn’t participate in church wide events, yet those events were not talked about in staff meeting or shared with the staff so that everyone was on the same page. 

 

I am not able to sleep tonight b/c I can’t stop thinking about all of it… the betrayal was the worst… two people who I had confided in as friends both went and shared everything I had shared in confidence with them to the two pastors. 

 

I have spent this past year in paradise…. It has been a nice spot to try to do some healing.. both mentally and spiritually.   Work issues here have also been tough… but 1^st years in new places tend to go that way.  The transition from church ministry to working at a school was harder than I thought it would be!  I think I made the jump well… I am geared up and ready for year #2!   

 

I pray tonight that God would heal my heart… I have focused on forgiveness all year… most days I have to keep saying it over and over… that I forgive… that I forgive…I forgive…  I feel so unworthy… I am not looking for pity… this has been a real struggle for me.  I have felt like such a failure despite knowing in my head that all of these events were in the works and out of my control… I know it wasn’t my fault… I know that all I did was follow my passion and calling to show those kids what a relationship with Christ is all about… buy man oh man does it hurt..

 

I guess this is a little of the rejection that Jesus must have felt and dealt with… knowing that he had done nothing to deserve the treatment yet having to endure all this pain and still have to forgive them in the end!!!! 

 

I have been angry!  Angry that I didn’t get to see my plans to fruition… angry that I wasn’t allowed to tell my side of the story or even say goodbye to the kids.  Angry that when we tried to handle the situation like professionals we were the ones to made to look bad.  Angry that when we tried to talk to the bishop he dismissed us out of turn.  Angry that I didn’t have the money to sue for wrongful termination!  (they told the kids they could talk to them about us leaving b/c of legal issues!)    But that isn’t the real reason why I am angry! 

 

I think the real reason is that MY plans were messed up… and that is just selfish.  Obviously God had other plans!  As I write this, I am seeing my selfishness in all of my frustration.  Maybe the cliché is true… maybe God had us there for those years “for a time such as that”… Maybe all I was there for was to get to know Kara… maybe all I was there for was to plant the seeds for those kids to grow deeper… maybe I am not the harvester, but the farmer who does the ground prep and the planting!  ????? 

 

I feel like I have all this gunk still inside and I want it out!  I want to stop having it rear its ugly head… I can forgive, but do I have to like what happened?  Do I have to like those people who hurt me and my family?   

 

If you think about it… can you continue to pray for me?  Pray that I will find that peace that  passes all understanding… pray that I can continue to forgive daily… and pray that I can move on! 

 

Big Summer Post

I just realized that I haven't blogged at all this summer.  This summer has been absolutely amazing! It's the first time in our 11 years together that we didn't have to work over the summer!  When you are a youth pastor, summer is your big season...kids are out of school...there are trips, programming, mid-week stuff that doesn't normally happen during the busy-ness of a school year. 

When you are a teacher instead of a youth pastor life is a whole new experience!  All year long I had built in vacations, normal weekends and months off over summer break...and the best part of it all is all four of the kids had the same exact schedule!!!! 

Rick did sign on to teach summer school, the extra cash was a huge bounus, especially with moving and needing to purchace bunk beds, and a few other things to make our new place work for us!  Other than that, we haven't worked at all! :)  Breaks are so nice!

We are coming up on one more week of summer for Rick and I, and two for the kids (we have a teacher week to head back to!)  This 1st summer in Cayman has been lots of fun! 

We moved!  Our new place is great.  It's about 1/2 the size of our 1st house here...but we realized that we weren't using much of the space of the other place.  It was HUGE... the kids had plenty of room to play...but the rent and the utilities and the distance to work, town, friends and the beach was putting an undo strain on our budget!  The last day of school we started looking for a new place as close to the school as possible! 

What we found is perfect...it is literally right across the street from the enterance to the school...we could walk if we really wanted to (and I am sure we will!)  It is two bedrooms, each room has it's own full bathroom!  It is two floors (the kids LOVE having an upstairs, not sure why, but they do!) The best part, is we have a POOL!!!!  We are in a #7 in a row of 9 townhouses...  we also have a full size USA washer/dryer....which is a big switch from what we had before!   Our kids are now all fishes, as they live in the pool! 

Right next door, our neighbors are also a Triple C family...Toby's friend Daniel and Noah's classmate Simba are over all the time.  It is fun having friends so close!  It is also nice to live nearer to other friends (The Benders!) and to all the stores we frequent weekly! 

We had our first visitors too!!  Grandpa and Jo came for a glorious week!!!  We transformed the kids room into a guest room (our go go gadget room!) and we had fun visiting beaches, our pool, and even exlporing the reefs of George Town on the glass bottom boat!  A week was too short, but we hope to have them back soon (don't want those passports to go to waste :) 

Here is an update for each person!

Noah:  Will start grade 3 this year!  We stopped by the school to show Grandpa and Jo and he found his desk with his name on it ready to go!  He is our builder and engineer boy.  He loves to build, construct and create.  His newest thing is collecting sea glass (glass from broken bottles on the ocean floor) and making sea glass pictures.  He sold me one of a palm tree that is quite amazing!   Noah is almost 5 feet tall...and we have the same size feet (he's in a mens 6!)  At the beginning of summer Noah also had a lead in the church muscial "Amazing Grace Race" he was the Reporter/narrator.  He did a great job (four shows!) And they were even broadcast on TV! 

Keighley: She will be in grade 2 this year!!!!  She is excited to move "upstairs" to morning care. Her goal is to make "Most Outstanding Student" this year.  She missed it by one point last year!  She is almost toothless...loosing or about to loose many teeth!  She is getting taller...she loves to read, and is very artistic!  She is constantily drawing, painting, coloring, and her newest thing is paper folding!  She keeps us busy..and loves to sit and chat!

Isaac:  He starts Kinder this year and is most excited to wear the real uniform (Prek just wore PE uniforms) He is excited to have his own belt!!  He is our best swimmer...if the kids are trying out a new skill they only get confidence if Isaac has done it first... this was true for jumping the "Cliffs" at Smith cove, for doing flips into the pool, for being thrown by daddy in the ocean!  If Isaac can do it, so can they!  

Toby: Just turned FOUR!!!!!  He will be in PreK this year (meaning all Grangers will be in one builiding!!!)  The week of his birthday he began jumping and swimming independantly in the pool!  He also will swim out to us in "deep" (5ft) water at the beach.  He LOVES Thomas and is the best track builder we have had!  Most mornings we are greeted with a HUGE track built all over the living room! 

Rick: As usual Rick is doing great and forever looking for a fun hobby or project to do.  Since moving he's put painting on hold... but has done a lot of reading this summer... :)  He taught 8th grade US history for summer school and had fun with it!  He found out last week that he is moving from 6th grade to 7th grade Science this next year!  He's excited for the switch.  

Me:  After being sick for the last 2 weeks I finally went to the doctor...now I am feeling tons better... while there I learned that I really need to drop some weight!!  I hate diets and I really don't like exercising at all!!  But I am committed to dropping the pounds!  So I began the South Beach diet this week.  So far so good!  Like I said I hate diets...so please pray for me as I continue on this path. 

I also have a new schedule for the school year, one that I am really excited about!  I get to teach 6th-12th Grade Bible!!!   I am excited to have all the kids! 

Summer has been a great time for all of us!  The kids are ready to go back to school... and Rick and I are also gearing up for another year!  I will miss sleeping in, and having a free time to do whatever we want!  So we will soak in the last days of summer and then move our beach time back to Fridays!  

We welcome all vistors!!!  We'd love to see you... we have two weeks off at Christmas/New years, and two weeks off in April!!!!  If you want to see the island and not us...feel free to crash at our place anytime throughout the year!!! 

Check out my "Summer in Cayman" album on Facebook to see pictures! :)